Kansa Free Press News Release

News Release, July 4, 2006
The Kansa Free Press

On July 1, 2006 the United States Government by Executive Decision of the President of the United States of America, severed the state of Kansas from the Republic. This enactment was brought about by the government in response to the actions of the Kansas Board of Education and the Designed Intelligence Coalition of Kansas who had lobbied for and caused to be enacted stringent new laws governing not only the teaching of evolution but also the mere mention of the theory in public or in private. Declaring that these laws were so ludicrous as to make a mockery of the legislative process, the Congress pressured the President to do something to negate these laws. Her decision to sever the state from the republic was deemed harsh by some who criticized her for making a knee-jerk decision. Her response to this criticism was, “If they want a cake-walk, I’ll give’em a cake walk.” This enigmatic quote appeared throughout the world news media picturing the President escorting the Kansas contingent of lawmakers from the steps of the Supreme Court Building where her enactment had been affirmed without review by Justice Laren, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. President Brinda, who had taken office only six weeks prior, immediately appointed Stephen Darjeeling as the Executive Officer of Intelligent Design Liaison. Darjeeling could not be immediately reached for comment. This is the first official enactment by the new President who took office after the Special Election of 2006 which was held after President Jeb Bush stepped down, stating that family issues were more important than any country. Darjeeling, who owns property in Miami County is renowned as the person who cracked the code of the Voynich Manuscript and made the first ever extraterrestrial contact based on the code’s instructions. His Maimi County property had been confiscated by the government when the extraterrestrial contact was discovered. In apparent retaliation, the extraterrestrials, called Star-People or Star-Beings by Darjeeling, had created a protective crystalline field around the thirty two acre Darjeeling estate. This barrier prevented anyone with negative intentions from occupying or entering the property and is in effect to this day. It is expected that Darjeeling will continue to seek advice from the Star-Beings in his newly appointed position.