Pre 60th Birthday Ennui

I heard of a guy that bought a new Camaro
Made him instantly feel younger,
Challenged a Porsche Targa Carerra and won,
I see these old geezers on new Harleys
Then read of their wreckage strewn
Across America’s highways,
I would get some Viagra
But what would I do for the next
Three hours and fifty minutes?
I started jogging and blew out a knee
But I get to wear one of those braces
With the knee-cap hole,
They laughed at me when I went
To the police department
To register my hands as deadly weapons
After taking two Karate classes,
I developed an ulcer
Worrying about
Whether or not
I have cancer,
People look at me funny
When I talk about self immolation
As a peaceful means of death,
My cup overflows
With coffee spilling onto the floor,
What mercy can I expect
After a life of crime?