The Mummified Body of Huey Ning

The Miami County Sherriff’s Department squad car pulled slowly into the lane. Darjeeling looked up from the park bench on the front porch and watched as the three dogs took out on a dead run, hair up on their backs and heading straight for the car. The deputy slammed on the brakes and the car nose-dived to avoid a dog-car collision and Darjeeling laughed. “Deppity Doofus,” he thought and stayed put as the officer slowly maneuvered the car through the dog pack. The deputy, her composure regained, stayed in the car, apparently writing down something but most likely obeying one of the rules of police training: Make them wait and they will come to you, then you have the offensive. Darjeeling stayed put. Flustered at the dogs jumping on the car’s window sill, the officer finally emerged then fell back as Albert, the friendliest of the three planted both feet on her chest. Darjeeling laughed, “Albert, heel!” he called out and the dog totally ignored him. The officer, bolder now, shoved the door open and jumped out. “Cute little thing,” Darjeeling measured her up.
“Is this the Ning residence?” the officer asked, looking around to make sure the dogs weren’t going to rip her uniform.
“No ma’am, this here is the Darjeeling residence.”
“I’m looking for Huey Ning at this residence.”
“Not here, ma’am, ole Huey went ta shit and the hogs ate ‘im.” Darjeeling took a swig from his beer. “Care for a Mickey’s, ma’am?”
“What I care for is for you to tell me who you are and to cooperate with me. We’re trying to find out who ran through the barbed wire fence on the Younger property the night before last. We have witnesses that say they saw a green Ford Ranger pickup leaving the scene. Doesn’t Mr. Ning have a green Ford Ranger pickup?”
“Name’s Darjeeling, ma’am.”
“Would you please just answer the question?”
“’ats what I just did, ma’am.”
“I mean about Mr. Ning and his pickup.”
“He ain’t got one. And besides, he’s dead.”
“He’s dead?”
“Yep, deader ‘n a hammer. They found his mummified body in a Buddhist Stupa in Taiwan about a month ago. Said he just up and walked in, sat down, and died. In three days his body was completely mummified.”
The deputy looked at him and started toward the porch, hand on pistol grip. Just then, the Ford Ranger came flying into the lane. “Damn,” Darjeeling thought, “perfect timing.”
The deputy looked at the truck, looked at Darjeeling, looked at the truck again as it came to a stop in back of the barn. She glared at Darjeeling. “That’s a green Ford Ranger Pickup!” she yelled.
“No ma’am, that there is a aquamarine Ford Ranger pickup with a racing stripe.” Darjeeling slowly got up and dusted off his jeans. “And that ain’t Huey, neither.”